I was so sure of that pseudonym I am using to someone I long to meet in the right moment of time, by ALLAH’s decree in shaa ALLAH. A pseudonym of someone I knew I will be with someday. I felt like I am having a very ferocious feeling of falling in love to someone I haven’t meet but I knew that someone was existing.  This feeling lead me to imagine myself that if zjs will be around I would feel some quadriplegic (this one was exaggerate, although that is on reality of mine), oh well I always exaggerate my imagination, I come to the point of imagining that we are on a sleigh, a sleigh that goes to a place that is full of felicity. That ZJS will be that someone would help me endure what is difficult and bring me closer to what is distant, and that is JANNAH. This one will be sure enough. Ameen Ya Rabb.

So when this ZJS syndrome started to bring some eminent stout feeling, keeping away from fitna.  It was surprisingly started when me and my “crizi” buddy (I mean my common denominator of imagining things) keep on talking about love thingy. I think it was so normal for us as this age to talk about it anyway. We always find ourselves having a disclosure about our past. Before we came up to Z.J.S, we were dealing with ZY and C.O. It was baffling, right? But sorry, only me and my buddy knows that. Just think that it was just merely part of alphabets for you. But for us, that letters comes with vowels and personas. Seriously, our past is not what you think that we were heartbroken, we were just you know, been hang to some unfinished chats. That is why we always negotiate through countless “what if’s”, “what could’ve been” and “what could bes”, and that’s all about past but we always end our schmooze by saying “lets not bring the past back anymore *lol*”. Maybe it’s the kind of heartache that tests our strength and our character, the kind of that make us think hard about what we really want for ourselves. So much for that, maybe we are just in a state of questioning ourselves of what does it take to forgive? To forget? To finally be okay? It’s the same question we face, young or old. As a year comes to a close and another begins, me and my supportive buddy want to start a new chapter of life, that is to keep away from fitna. (We say, in shaa ALLAH)

As I’ve said to my buddy that “we should not get attached to spur-of-the-moment flings. Fleeting love…”. By uttering that, I have realized that fleeting love is bound to end in heartbreak. Spare your pillow the tears. What is the point of being in a relationship if, in the confusion, you end up losing most important thing: your gorgeous life? Relationships tend to be messy, unless you are sure, don’t gamble, love is as investment with no money-back guarantee. So just love yourself dear.

So that’s when ZJS syndrome started to shine my gorgeous life. I am now protecting my heart, guarding my thoughts. I understand now (in shaa ALLAH) that everything started with the mind and nafs (desire). I pray that I will never be mislead by my emotions. Advising my dearest me, not to get rush for love. Love knows its own time when you keep everything by making du’ah. I should not work things out on my own for ALLAH knows very well where it should be lead me in the right moment. Just wait patiently, it will come. As I remember my mom advised me to be just good in order to be with good.  Alhamdulillah.

Bestie said, “our hearts is reserved”..and I said “to the one who deserves it.”

Allahuma ruzuqni Zawjan Jameelon Saaleh. Ameen Ya Rabb.Ameen


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