Can I travel home sleeping from GenSan to MC..for me to avoid feeling someone’s selfish decision… 😥 ALLAHU RABBI.


Till the day I don’t have no more reasons to be me..but Just to be a slave of Almighty ALLAH.

Ameen Ya Rabb. 😥


I am the saddest twin sister now. I don’t know how to inform my twin brother. I quit the conversation after I knew it.. I don’t know how to react but just to shed a tears in behalf of what will my twin brother would feel. I knew he  is used to it but THE AWAITED DAY is so much valuable to him.. I can’t barely read his status how happy he is.

May ALLAH fill his heart with contentment and Happiness. 



I am not good in narrating stories.. ALL i knew is that I learned

  • to  discover optimism that is required to transcend the challenges.
  • to DO two things in onetime.
  • discover things on your own and learn it along the way.


at 4.30 my sistah drop me a call as I was having a nap after my examss.. at 4.30pm too I rush like a literal ninja at Cafe Amore..I was startled when I saw my printer was there..No electricity, so my sistah bring it with her.e..HMM. “Feel at home kami” >.<

we got home (@ my sistah’s homeey) right away the electricity appears in our bright eyes 0.0 at 6.00pm..

after taking dinner..we resume -thesis.. as I was doing mine by the skin of my teeth as I was inform that by 9pm my sistah’s panel will get her copy.. so hwaazz that? >.<
dehydration is what I’m feeling…blah blah!!! I finished everything at quarter to 2am.. my sistah already hitting the sack by that time… >.< As if I was the one who  is pressured ..uhm.uhm ^_^

I’m not a good narrator.. I’m just a good observer……..zzzzzz.

I  am just sleepy, it’s  quarter to 2am already…just done with my younger brother handed task.

My eyes wanted to rest so I don’t need to add another paragraph..

Alhamdulillah,, profound realizations. ❤

I’m used too. Not in the mood to make an entry.

I am just used to sleep late at night.


the way I define it “TEMPORARY”.


My miswaak from my Pakistani friend and my tasbeeh from my kuya, PATIENCE with me. ❤


I thought it was all about wanting to change things. THINGS WILL NEVER be the same but my patient will change for better, for better me in shaa ALLAH.  I have learn  some practical things practically all by myself.I made a lot of observation and comparison between me and the other me.  However, none of the two matched the bliss and fulfillment I feel whenever I realized that ALLAH is With me and I just need to be patient. It was armed with the thought that I have gone through many things that explains how ALLAH azza wajjal tested my patience and after all that things ALLAH is molding my patience. ALHAMDULILLAH.

My tears is with my lil brother saff for what had happen today.. when we both watch some kids reading Qur’an, and MashaALLAH all we can hear is all about patience. “Fasta’in bi sabreey wa salaat”..Seek  aid with patience and Prayer”. ❤ Bless to have him around. I love watching him and listening to his voice when he’s memorizing Surah Naba ❤ ALHAMDULILLAH

I  will not make this entry too long, making this one entry will never express the ease I am feeling, I am engulfed by an unexplainable feeling of happiness mixed with nervousness..  whenever I realize that EVERYONE LEFT ME… WITH ALLAH.  :’)

I had accepted the fact that no matter where I go, no matter what I am grueling with.. the world will remain the same the way I define it “TEMPORARY”.

12.40mn BISMILLAH ❤




“O ALLAH, grant me the ability to continue crying to you till Qiyamaa” Ameen.

I always find myself hugged by my patience.

What I have realized yesterday was just one of the things I really wanted to share but afraid of being misinterpreted. I know, I never run this far but yet I have to stop running.

I am afraid that I will be ungrateful for being blessed. I know I am blessed and grateful for it, really; it just that I am afraid it IS MY NAFS (Self Desire)  that feels me wanting for something more. I am afraid that I’m pleasing other than ALLAH Azza wajal. (Astaghfirullah) because I felt like being pressured to my new environment that makes me feel busy and wanting to prove myself that “I am not just like these, I can go far”,  But then, I realized that was not  so easy. Juggling work, school, Deen schedules, handed task every night with my dad and my responsibility to my younger brother as an Elder sister. It involved physical endurance, time management, perseverance, and a vision. I could not afford to be sick. If I did, five aspect of my life would be affected. I could not afford a single minute wasted and when noticed I wasted a minute, I would really cope up with it. Therefore, the transportation system here at ZenZan sometimes posted a constant challenge to my temper. A late bus meant a missed  lunch sometimes, and a missed lunch meant jeopardized health; furthermore, a slow vehicles meant being late for school or work. There was a time I had t to approach my teacher to dismiss me 10 minutes before the appointed time so I could have my prayers also on time. Alhamdulillah for my teachers understood.

This was my life for almost 9months- a student in weekends and an employee in weekdays. I have to wake up early in the morning and help my lil brother fixing his self for school and accompany him till he arrived to his school. My schedules sometime don’t allow me to study for my lessons except during the hourlong bus ride to office, which more often than not used to catch-up on sleep. Sometimes, I dozed off in class but Alhamdulillah my grades are not dozing off.  I came to the point that I was so weary, both body and soul, like an overstretched rubber band ready to break. And sad to say I always found myself as weakling shedding my tears. Subhannallah.

Alhamdulillah Just yesterday, after the  maaghrib salaat I found myself lying in my mom’s prayer mat.. I was talking to my self like “Ya bint, you want to slow down, you want to rest, you want to breathe. Guess what? You can. Because you deserve it.”
And I felt like my heart was full of contentment. *teary eyed*. Finally, something to call this crisis with no name; Just getting my footing. In shaa ALLAH.

This would be one of my greatest independent decisions in my life. This can be the start of bigger things, whether in this race or far more better for Akhira. It could be potentially heartbreaking, too, but I could possibly have gone this far without a resilient heart  and tawwakal Alallah. I have to be brave than even before. Trust ALLAH more than I trust  myself. I would be on race for my new vision in life after these all.

Myself replying me with something so obscure yet so familiar, IN SHAA ALLAH.

Just don’t complain my dearest self, be patient. ❤


Draft me.

Life unpredictable yet surprising. Sometimes you like what it brings you, sometimes you are distraught. I guess what we need to do is accept it. only ALLAH knows what is ahead of us. He is the writer. We only follow, endure what comes, and enjoy the moments.

Realizing how much I need ALLAH but I am not calling Him. 😥

Take me home.


I miss my self together with my homies and fellas :”( so muuch for bizzinnizz.
May ALLAH make everything be beneficial here in dunya till akhira. Ameen Ya Rabb.

I am not in the mood of making up some hide and seek with my thoughts in this fickle mind of mine.
I just want to be home. 😥