Quite Lost in the battle

“Stop blaming everything and take responsibility for your life. Learn something new. Apply yourself. Change your habits. Work on your thought pattern. Do something different. Put out positive energy. Focus on yourself. Take your power back by doing the self-work. It‚Äôs necessary.”


I’ve been so lost for few months like I don’t know who I will approach to listen to my own delima other than myself. For few months it was quite so hard for me to find my purpose. I’ve been so down seeing things falling apart. Personal life is so tough for me to handle. I encountered things that are hard for me to break the thigh whether it is bad or good, but I always chose the latter though it was so risky for me if I push through with it.

I am in a moment of life where I should take over my kids and my family itself..but where I am now? What I am doing? Where is the purpose of my life when I woke up daily? I was trying to handle things in good way buy I always find the bad outlet.

I know, what I need is to meet the risk of what I am doing. I know I am on my everyday self denial that I have my big obligation in my life. I know I should face the consequence tougher than my expectations.

For now, what I need is to isolate my thoughts. be responsible for every decsion I am doing. Try to meet with what I really need, the focus. Be motivated and move my self.

You cant stop some people from leaving you behind when they have already find their purpose in life. Whatever memories YOU’VE SHARED TOGETHER will just stay as memories. Memories will stay but TOGETHER is not.

Take care of your heart. Don’t get too attached to anyone. It will be painful for you especially if you out your happiness with them. Try to distance for a while and know what is self-work for you.




put to words . .

preparing for a good post how did I see things changed and I see it now.. ūüôā In Shaa ALLAH

Total strangers



You are still on your remaining days in His path. I don’t have idea how many days left. The first time we accidentally meet for just two seconds, it seems the impact really bring me to something, something that I always ask my self if I am the One you ask from Him and if you are the One I ask from Him. That two seconds meeting that you might be blind who I am but for me that two seconds struck my dreams before we meet, my dreams years ago flash back suddenly one by one.

I am on my points of evaluating myself if Qadr is really on our sides. As you still on your way to His path, I hope you ask Him for our guidance. We are a total strangers and I can’t search for someone who can be our mutual friend but only Him alone.

It was been four days and you still remain in my mind, as far as the two seconds meeting concern.

Many “what if’s” floating in my mind and many “what way” I could please you if you are really meant for me by His will, for it is stated in the Qur’an that my paradise is by pleasing you. I’ve been reading the lives of many sahabiyah how did they please their half of deen, but for now all I wanted to do is the first step of Sunnah of completing my deen and yours. I want the day be alive through sunnah of how Faatima Radiyallahu anha and Ali Radiyallahu anhu, how they did tie the knot.

It is a lifetime commitment we will be welcoming to our worlds. Two worlds will become one.

I hope you keep me in your du’ah that May ALLAH Azzawajaal make me a better half of yours.

Only ALLAH Azzawajaal knows if we are really meant to be by His Decree, so much to say but I am still mouth agaped and my words are stricken how Qadr lead us.


I AM SAD.. May ALLAH always grant the Hikma of everything as I feel afraid of what will happen next.
 Heart of a Muslim MST BE STRONG..

Crown Brighter than the Sun.

:’) Moving mountains rock by rock. Just be Patient.

There are trials just use to wake you up why things need to happen.

Bare in your mind that ALLAH is the Best Planner and He will never,never leave you alone. For in the remembrance of ALLAH do hearts find rest. Always be reminded that all the things that is afflicting you is ALLAH’s love. So, always be patient. “Fa innal ma’al usrey yusra”..In shaa ALLAH ‚̧




Tonight..or until coming days..

I used my wrist watch today even I had noticed it as early that its stop ticking already.. I don’t know I just feel like keeping it from my wrist..I don’t feel any comfy without it in my busy days..

Though this wrist watch stops..my life didn’t stop there. You see? It stops at 2am (I had noticed it when it is already 6am in the morning, so I considered it as 2am). Just now I realized that I myself miss those times..waking up at 2am.

I miss calling out ALLAH in my happiest days and forlorn days.. MashaaALLAH. (Tear drops)
I am super weak right now..my defination of weakling is on my spiritual side. I easily get affected of temporary worries.. I intended to block them out of my conciousness but I can’t anticipate an end. Subahannallah. Indeed, life comes from many challenges. The one that should not affect our goals in aakhira and the ones we take on and take control us then lead us astray from the dunya.. Astaghfirullah.

I miss those moments that I feel a great grief whenever I can’t wake up at 2am.. Some things are changing but waking up at 2am will never change..yes I miss. The feeling that it is the time for me to share everything I want, ask Him for guidance and give always infinite wisdom from my daily life.

My longing of 2am cannot put into words. ;'(
Rabbigh firliy Ya ALLAH. Ameen.


It is the hardness of the heart..that is the problem. That is the disease I have now. :”( I am exposed to too much entertainment in life. Following my Nafs unconciously. Astaghfirullah.
“Too much laughing will harden the heart the same with too much wasting a time”.. And this Fitnah.. NAFS. May ALLAH forgive my sins. Ameen.

For 3weeks I kept the reminder post on my wall.. “REPENT for NEW BEGINNING”..

..so I think it is time for me to evaluate myself on how far I monitor my pulse..my pulse on how strength and weak my heart is (connecting to the lecture I have watched).

IN SHAA ALLAH I should reconnect to ALLAH till the time I would realize that all the worries and calamities I am facing in my own microcosm is not a calamity it self but ..a blessing.

I should keep this in my mind In Shaa ALLAH that “Dhikr to the Heart is like water to a fish..A fish is rescue from the water. When a fish is run out of waterthen it will die..So if the heart is removed from Dhikr..what will happen?” Subhannallah.

The Prophet took the hand of Hadrat Muadh ibn Jabal (r.a.) and said to him, “O Mu’adh, I love you!” Hadrat Mu’adh (r.a.) responded, “May my father and mother be sacrificed for you, O Messenger of Allah (saws); I love you too.” Then the Prophet (saws) said, “I advise you, O Mu’adh, say at the end of every prayer,

‚ÄėAllahumma inni ala Zikrika wa Shukrika wa husni ibadatika‚Äô
(O Allah, aid me in Your Remembrance, Your thanks, and in perfecting Your worship).”

Related by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, an-Nasa’i, Ibn Khuzaimah, Ibn Hibban and al-Hakim.

May ALLAH grant me to do more Dhikr for His sake only and purify my heart. Ameen Ya Rabb. *deeeep siiiigh*

FYI: wrist watch from babajan. Alhamdulillah

12.10am.. Bismillah.

I am FINE <3 Alhamdulillah

Hasbi rabbi jallallah, Ma fi qalbi ghayrullah.

My Lord is enough for me, Glory be to Allah. There is nothing in my heart except Allah.

Reciting this again and again with conviction always makes me feel better when I feel that something of this dunya has let me down :’) And in Shaa ALLAH, one day, we will all truly understand how it feels to have only Allah in our hearts‚Ķ In Shaa ALAH, ameen!




I wrote that on my whiteboard reminder using a permanent marker.. for me to be able to remain patient whenever patience tries to give strength.


(picture will be post coming days. in shaa ALLAH)