You know what I do not, and certainly You know best.

I could reaaaally hug someone at this moment. 😥 But Alhamdulillah.”Only in the remembrance of ALLAH do hearts find rest”..

I am going through this because He knows I can handle it. I am going through this because it is meant to teach me something. I am going through this only because it will bring me closer to Him. (IN SHAA ALLAH)

It’s funny how some things are actually so simple, but it is our nafs and the whisperings of Shaytaan that makes it seem like it is such a heavy burden to carry.

I do pray that ALLAH gives me the strength to remain patient in all matters.

Ameen Ya Rabb.

early at 7.40pm. #Melancholy

If there is one thing I learnt about myself today is that although I truly enjoy having company around, but I think I should allocate more time to be alone and play around with my thoughts and to listen to the conversations in my head.

ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH ALHAMDULILLAH.

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Change to become ONE.

After a little time of schmooze about “Emotionally Matured”..Thoughts floats in my fickle mind again..Well then personally I feel that I still have a long way to go before I can say that I have changed. For I know there is still so much for me to learn, to understand, to practice and to change that sometimes I feel all I have grasped so far is akin to a plankton in an ocean. There is still so much of my sins (that I have done, and are doing currently) that sometimes I feel no amount of repentance can ever erase those sins. 😥 and that’s maybe the reason for NO WAY I COULD FIND FOCUS TO BECOME ONE. Astaghfirullah.

In good ways in shaa ALLAH changes will come and  in shaa ALLAH I will view it in Islamic point of view, that comes with patience.

I am but a work in progress. Hoping you can make du’a for me that May ALLAH grant me to continue making my baby steps towards becoming a better Muslimah and to become one of the slave of ALLAH that keeps on chasing Aakhira ❤  AMeen Ya Rabb.

BISMILLAH 11.50pm

Happy and Sad

I am handling my self. hoooh. In the Remembrance of ALLAH do hearts find rest.

I can’t find the right person to chat with, it is always.. only in the remembrance of ALLAH.

I am both happy and sad that I will be home.

I am happy that I will visit hometown.

I am happy that my twin brother is one step to his dreams.

I am happy  that I will be with my grandma.

I am happy that I can have my change of environment.

I am happy that I find myself Happy.

but then, it is  true that there is a trade-offs to everything.

I am sad because babajan is on his way to Malaysia.

I am sad that babajan will not be there for my twinbrother,

I am sad that I  knew I will leave the hometown after a days.

i am sad that I will not be meeting the complete FN.

I am sad that “everything change”.

I am sad that I find my self sad.

ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL ❤

Fi amanillah babajan and MABROUK twinbrother.

BISMILLAH and be calm quezza.

10.45pm

Sentiment of friendship lillah.

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Thank you, I mean Jazakillahu Khayran.

Hmmm. Seriously I don’t know how to start and where to end. ^_^ BUT one thing is for sure I will make this entry as “simple” as I wanted to express what needs to be express. IN SHAA ALLAH.

*BIMSILLAH*

Just like every best of friend’s do–

They say ,

”Thank you for the friendship you’ve shared and times of being there rain or shine-good or bad times.  May our friendship would last and with the entire pinky swear like BFF 4ever. I will surely miss those time of ROFL and times we’ve shared all the things under the sun. I will surely cherish our get together and keep the time machine on my locker.”

Yezza those were the times of ignorance on how to keep a friendship.

(Base on my ignorance experience, Astahgfirullah)

*Nabi Salallahu Alayhi wassalam said:

“A man is on the creed of his friends. So each of you should ponder over who he befriends”

(Abu Dawud)

*Ibn Abbas Radiyallahu Anhu says that Nabi salallahu alayhi  wassalam was asked”

“Which of your friends are better?” to which he replied,

“When you see him you remember ALLAH Ta’ala, by his speech your knowledge increases, and his actions reminds you of the hereafter.” (Qurtubi)

That explains on how to keep and how to find  a friendship lillah. ❤

Erstwhile, the very first time I moved to this place, I started to admit that NOTHING LAST FOREVER just like things must come to an end. I was feeling the forlorn of being away from the place where I consider the things to be “FOREVER”, specifically the “BFF FOREVER”.  I was in the place of no one to hold on and no one to catch up for an “unwind”, they say.  Yet I know that I can only be down in the dumps not for so long. Taking the best move to have a progress is not that easy for someone who has the identity of “melancholic”, ME.

BUT ALHAMDULILLAH.  It is true that finding the real thing of self-fulfillment cannot put a price tag, although finding it is such a tall order for me, but it is a journey worth taking, for what is life without a mission?  So my first mission was to know the REAL “BFF FOREVER” (Being stranded in the limbo allows time for reflections, ALHAMDULILLAH)

So my mission was started with my best weapon, I mean the BEST WEAPON OF A BELIEVER, THE DU’AH.

“Ya ALLAH, grant me a friend that could be my best mirror, that could be the reason for me to know what is the true friendship merely for Your sake, a friend that could be the way for me to change my dunya perspective to Aakhira perspective, a  friend that could bring me close to you and can be my mate till we step the  finish line, and that is your Arsh. And most importantly a friend that will share the friendship of lillah aiming to be in your Shade in the day that there will be no shade but Your shade (Arsh)”

Yes, that’s my du’ah. I could still remember how my eyes swell with tears from praying. Subhannallah.

To do my part on my du’ah I have to scan and search for some article or a Hadith that talks about Friendship lillah. Happily (ALHAMDULILLAH) an article entitled “CHOOSING FRIENDS” was clip on one of my big brother articles from South  Africa.

 “ALLAH Ta’ala has awarded us this short, temporary worldly life as a priceless opportunity to attain His pleasure for eternity. Every second that we have in our hands is like an expensive pearl in need of our utmost protection so that it can be spent in the most profitable of actions. One of the most important choices in life, and undoubtedly one of the most delicate, is who to spend some of these limited and precious moments with, Our choice of company is such a crucial one that it has a sizeable effect on the worldly life, as well as the eternal life of the Aakhirat. Choosing a good friend will result in a pleasant and fruitful worldly life and eternal peace in the aakhirat, while the choice of bad company will result in a miserable worldly life and eternal regret in the Aakirat.”

When I first read the first paragraph I REALLY wanted to have a good company at the right moment. MashaaALLAH.

ALLAH Subhannlla wa Ta’ala says in the Qur’an:

“Friends would be enemies on that day except for those who have taqwa”. (Surah Zukhruf V.67). Hafiz Ibn Kathir has mentioned in the commentary of this verse a narration of Ali Radiyallahu Anhu in which he says that there were two friends who were believers and two friends who were disbelievers. From the two friends of believers, one of them died and was given the glad tidings of Jannat. He remembered his friend and made dua to ALLAH Subhannlla wa Ta’ala “O ALLAH Subhannlla wa Ta’ala, I had such and such a friend who used to encourage me to obey You and Your Messenger Salallahu Alayhi Wassalam, he used to enjoin upon me good and forbid me from evil, and he used to remind me that one day I will have to meet You. O ALLAH Subhannlla wa Ta’ala don’t lead him astray after me so that he may see those scenes (of Jannat) that You have shown me, and be pleased with him as You have been pleased with me”, In reply to this dua ALLAH Subhannlla wa Ta’ala will say, “If you were to know what rewards I have kept for your friend, you would laugh more and cry less.” After that the second friend will die, and both their souls will come together. Then ALLAH Subhannallah wa Ta’ala will command them to praise each other, so one will say to other, “What a good brother, what a good companion, what a good friend”. The narration continues to explain the case of two disbelievers as being the total opposite. (Ibn Abi Hatim).

Finishing the article with an infinite saying “MashaALLAH”.  ALLAH grants me to open my heart and soul to whom to be friend with. ALHAMDULILLAH. :’)

—That was the Journey of my mission—

ALHAMDULILLAH I meet my dear friend.  We’ve meet again. Yes, we’ve meet again.

We’ve meet long ago and we both grow up in an era of ignorance, an era of BFF FOREVER, an era where we tolerate the misunderstandings just be on hanged, an era where we don’t understand what are the best qualities of a friend, an era where we talk about only dunya, an era where we only give advice when we find each other sad . . . an era where WE WERE LOST. *deep sigh*

That era ends with fathomless “Istighfar”,

ALHAMDULILLAH we’ve meet again and we will grow up again. (in shaa ALLAH)

Where are now on era to develop these qualities to ourselves:

  • “When you see him you remember ALLAH Ta’ala,
  • by his speech your knowledge increases,
  • and his actions reminds you of the hereafter.”

We are on era where we give Naseeha when we find our Imaan weak (always) and in need of refill.

We are on era with the theme “Fastabiqul Khayrat”. ❤ ALHAMDULILLAH.

ALLAH knows how happy I am and how thankful I am to know that we still keep in touch despite of busy schedule that we both have. Alhamdulillah. By her friendship Lillah she is always all ears with my worldly and aakhira philippic or what she called “rants”. ALLAH knows BEST how bless I am to have her with her friendship lillah. I am indeed bless for ALLAH grants her the understanding to what naseeha I am in need. (The entry thingy).  I understand now what is behind the word “BESTIE”, we should always TIE the friendship lillah for the BEST in Aakhirah <3. ALHAMDULILLAH.

True happiness is in Jannah”

Through Du’ah we will always be connected. Keeping the word “FOREVER” only through Du’ah.

“I ask ALLAH to allow us to be under His shade on the day there is no shade for a friendship for His sake”

Ameen Ya Rabb. Ameen

2.15am—BISMILLAH.

Grow up with Deen.

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“Is is true that our true abode is Aakhira?”
I came home late from office pass 7pm already. I was so dehydrated and in need of rest. Weariness is overflowing in my veins. As I handed the food I bought for Saff, he asked me about that.. “Pyur a aya walay tanu na sa   aakhira?”..-Fffreezzee-  mashaaALLAH I felt like I had drunk from the ocean of naseeha. I got freeze as I was lying in my bed after I answered my brother with a “YES”. Subhannallah.
After that, I questioned my own self?
“Qza,  what is your true abode!?” Why You keep on worrying about how did life change you.. Astaghfirullah. Are my weariness worth it!? What did I do today?Yesterday? and the other day? Did I remember ALLAH azza wajaal. *sigh*
How perfect ALLAH is.
Saff never fail to remind me through his questions and his productivity. MashaaALLAH.
Saffrullah iz the name ❤ A very productive young boy who used to sleep at Masjid during ‘Itikaf. I  seldom saw him scanning and reading his notes but i often see him scanning and reading Qur’an. He never sing out loud with such modern song,he recite Qur’an out loud following some Qari. His lullaby is Surah Naba not with the modern song. If you try to see what’s in his pocket, you will be amaze that Tasbeeh and a perfume is what he’s keeping(Sunnah). MashaaALLAH.  He always wear full sunnah more than he wears his complete uniform at school.. His favorite lecturer are Scholars (i.e. Yasir Qadhi, mufti menk) not his teachers.
I remember when he got home from Masjid after he listened to some bayaan. I asked him, what Have you heard and understand.. He just say.. “A very little knowledge”.. It was said that “every rain drop there is a Malaykat” mashaaALLAH
Since then when it rains I remember my brother and through him I remember ALLAH Azza wajaal in every rain drops. ALHAMDULILLAH.
May ALLAH always guide him through His deen. Indeed my brother is longing for a guidance. Ameen Ya Rabb. May ALLAH always extend his blessing to our mother. Ameen Ya Rabb.
After our discourse he played the nasheed, I remember your smile. Alahmdulillah for only ALLAH can grant him understanding of why did it happen and how he will face everything. In shaa ALLAH
-Currently saff is sleeping while listening to his fave sweet voice Qari. Ahamdulillah.
Anna uhibukka lillah my lil brother..
BISMILLAH 11.57mn

still, I’m trying.

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I do miss everything and everyone so badly. ALLAH knows *teary eyed*

Indeed ALLAH is the Best Planner and the Best Controller.

As much as I wanted to yell on how much I miss my self, I always fail. I’d rather chose to sleep and help my self to fill my heart with the word, “PATIENCE”. Cheer up the worst is yet to come, be patient.

There are so  many things I am trying to avoid (i.e social Network), in order for me to handle everything  that I am facing here in this place where my only companion is my Patience. My life took a new turn. AND I NEVER THOUGHT LIFE WILL BRING ME TO THESE THINGS.

Life is like that—a metaphorical test paper, a test of courage and independence. You had to experience waiting for a seeming eternity all by yourself. Even simple chitchat would have been a relief at that time. *SIGH*

I almost let my dream be totally broken, like a glass hurled on the floor. It was painful to be hit by the shards. I bled. I cried. I almost gave up, until I regained my consciousness and had this clarity of desire: “I will fix that broken glass.” FOR THE BEST in shaa ALLAH.

And so it happened. I put the pieces back. I was wounded in doing so, but I did not give up. I pondered on the lessons it gave me and continued to chase my dream. But rebuilding a dream is not easy. Life is never easy. It requires hard work and patience. In life, therefore, be diligent, be patient. To keep on desiring Aakhirah. In shaa ALLAH.
Alhamdulillah babajan really knows what I was going through despite of his silence.

Be patient, always be patient. Think of Aakhirah.

You are walking on this fleeting dunya to spread salaam

and to give Da’wah.Just be patient. Keep that in your mind

Those words helps me to  realize that  I should always check my Imaan.
Life will be easy when you keep  on your mind that ALLAH is the One who controls your PATHS. …..ALHAMDULILLAH :’)

If being here is the way for me to exercise my patience then I will develop my Tawwakal and bring my self to everything I’m facing. IN SHAA ALLAH

For this, I wrote something for myself yesterday on my Journal.

You are a stranger

A stranger that in need of Sabr

A stranger that in need of reliance on ALLAH Ta’ala

A stranger that wants to be away from the the Dunya

A stranger who wants to be contented and satisfied with

the commandments of ALLAH Ta’ala.

A stranger who  wants to posses Yaqiin.

In order to be a stranger  I have to weaken my desire and inclination towards the Dunya. And be firm from seeking the Aakhirah. All knew that the cure of illness is to remove its cause. IN SHAA ALLAH ❤

“Live in this world as a traveler or a stranger”

I say, In shaa ALLAH.

12.10mn

The Blue note.

ImageI wanted to cry.  How could this stranger girl who knew so little about my life, actually know the  right thing to say from something I chose to kept.MashaALLAH.

That is the short description about that blue note. I was taking some key notes that my friend uttering while she was trying to unload what besets her. mashaALLAH.

“the best cure is our Imaan (faith)”…

“Not all good are good, good things sometimes should be away for us to be able to have Shokur”…

“Keep on your mind what you will get in Akhira”

That’s the key note that my friend was unaware that I was writing.

We were supposed to have our class at 8am but Alhamdulillah we were informed that all professors will  have a practice for the graduation (RMMC).
So, Alhamdulillah, ALLAH arrange our time. We had our schmooze for almost 3hours outside our room. I was lil bit startled how did my friend started her story in life. I was just like a bystander on how she blot out her stories..bystander in a way that in every struggles she was narrating she ended it with some Hikma that ALLAH grant her to understand.ALHAMDULILLAH.

(P.S. I am not good in narration. I should ended this now..hmm)

Everything was JUST ALHAMDULILLAH. We have both realize that we should avoid feigning  like we can face things without the Help of ALLAH. Astaghfirullah.

Always check your Imaan and rectify it.  I never thought about it like that.

NOTHING BUT ALHAMDULILLAH ❤ Don’t rely on “making up” because you can never really make up for the lost times. Each day will always be a new  day.

ALHAMDULILLAH *Deep Breath*

11.28pm